progress towards academia

     Those things they feed you in prison about how your success rests entirely on you working hard towards your goals and having a good attitude isn't complete bullshit, but it's in the ballpark.  Like most vague and positive aphorisms, it's not something you can place a lot of faith in.  Especially the thing you hear most often: "What happens to you when you get out is entirely up to you, the only thing that can hold you back is your attitude and willingness to work hard".  Obviously we need to stay focused and work hard, avoid gangs and hate-groups.  We shouldn't inject drugs into our faces while driving.  Stop behaving violently and getting face tattoos.  That's (usually) good advice. but regardless of how well your'e behaving, you will still be entirely at the mercy of huge networks of indifferent people who agree that things should work but don't.  Those chipper people in the transitions department never mention that however much faith you have in yourself, and however willing you are to work your ass off to get what you want, your situation as a felon with no money or insurance or recent work history or skills, makes it so that your day-to-day progress tends to hinge entirely on whether or not strangers will go way out of their way to make things happen for you.    Which they generally won't.  Like with anything/anywhere else, the people in charge tend to be very adept at shifting any responsibility or work away from themselves while sounding empathetic and pleasant - but not actually answering any questions you need answered or providing anything that will help.  There's a lot of emphasis placed on "should".  "This should work.  Somebody at this # should be able to help.  They should have told/given you that..." etcetera.  Prison staff don't tell you that even though most of the people you meet will not be bothered by you being an ex-convict, there are plenty of time-honored roadblocks in place for us that nobody really knows how to clear out of the way - even though they seem silly and illogical to every single person you talk to.  That whole "it's all up to you" is a lot of bullshit, and the people saying it know that it is.  They are, I think, saying something closer to "If you want to sweep floors, or do something menial and unsatisfying that will never elevate you above where you are; you won't be told not to" (unless the ID and social security card and insurance stuff you applied for and we said we'd sent out never arrive because we didn't really do it).  But just thinking that you can achieve the things that they say you can - and I don't just mean easily or right away, I mean at all - is a mistake.  Believing what prison administration and staff and judges tell you usually is.  If you get out and think that the stuff they told you in the mandatory (because they get $ for making you sit through them) pre-release classes is true, and if you believe there are any effective institutions in place to actually help you - not just to put you through more and more bullshit while touting how much they care- you will  be disappointed.  Then you will get pissed, and become jaded.  Then, naturally, you'll want to join a hate group, inject some drugs into your face while driving, and steal the copper wiring out of your neighbors house to sell for its scrap value (between 0.65 and 1.95 a pound, depending on the wiring in your neighbors house).  And why shouldn't we be jaded?  For as long as we can remember, nearly everything we've been told by any authority figure has turned out to be self-serving bullshit that always makes them appear loving and reasonable.  So when you know for sure that the first 5 things they told you to do weren't actually available or applicable, and that they clearly knew that when they said them, why the fuck would you carry on with what they told you to do?  However...

      If you want a short reprieve from people who have access to the matrix that you don't and know that you're relying on them but would rather pass it on to somebody else who should be able to do something, people who can help you but don't have to so just give you platitudes and send you elsewhere, go to the Piedmont Virginia Community College and speak to the academic advisor Kristin.  Not being associated with any branch of the DOC or the police, Kristin doesn't have any agenda with felons aside from getting them into classes, which she seems genuinely interested in doing.  After being at the mercy of nearly every state-governed entity within a 50 mile radius, as well as constantly having to deal with the people in MN who left you hanging by not doing what they said they would and then hamstrung you by saying it was still in the works but it really wasn't, she is a nice bit of sincerity and was able to explain things so I could understand them while putting in however much time it took to make things work for me in my specific situation instead of just passing me along to the financial aid people and saying "its in their hands", something she easily could have done and not been (technically) in the wrong.  But since the financial aid people don't really have a number you can call them at - just an automated line that tells you how to pay them and what their hours are - she gave me the direct # for the financial aid director.  When that lady didn't answer or return my calls, Kristin went down there and spoke to somebody else about my situation and found a way for me to get my P.O. to sign off on where I've been and why I don't have any financial records.  I'll still have to eventually get the transcript from the IRS (I think, I haven't actually talked to anyone besides Kristin), but my immediate FAFSA situation isn't completely hinging on it anymore.  Presumably, I'll be able to start some classes in September.  All of this happened because Kristin walked down the hall and talked to her co-workers on behalf of somebody she doesn't know instead of just passing them down the line to somebody else that probably would't have given me the same response that they gave her.

     Now I need to get my P.O. to return my calls so that I can get what I need from her.  Guess I'll see how long that takes.  I might have somebody tell her I'm using drugs.  It isn't true but its a sure way to get her to physically come to me.  Immediately.  Where just telling her I have a time sensitive issue regarding my financial aid that only she can help with...Well, she has a lot of people to monitor for drug use and I might have to wait.